by Natalie Linh Bolderston
AUBADE
Let the first joss sticks of the day burn slowly between your palms. Plant them like reeds in bed-soft ash
as smoke scars his photograph. Feel his name stretch out behind the buzz of the cassette tape.
Let daylight interrupt purple grief, paint the walls with watery prisms that fly
and catch in the folds of your orange áo dài. Shed them with a twirl, fistfuls of cabbage whites with crooked wings.
Let your daughters cook their sticky rice, egg rolls, soup, thirteen cups of jasmine. Notice how they look less alike these days:
some lipsticked, grey-flecked, others ageless. See the chrysanthemums, lilies, wild roses awaken at their silk calves, the gold peeking from beneath
their sleeves. See the eldest two holding hands and shopping bags. Let them smash the pink skull of a pomegranate, scrape
fleshed seeds into white bowls. Let red candlewax drip onto the persimmon tower, melted sunrise.
Let your sons light their Chinese cigarettes, open the rice wine that knocked them sideways when they were young.
Let the children tell you they love you, although they do not yet know what this means, or why you are crying.
Let them call you Bà Ngoại, and absorb your giggle, toothy smile, Chanel No.5. Let them ask, who is Ông Ngoại,
and why don't we remember him? (But let someone else answer.) Let them dive into the pillows and folded sheets, run lilacs and yellows
through their fingers. Let them swing from the doorframes, not knowing what has passed (but on no account let them chew the carpet).
Sit too far away and let yourself be pulled back. Surrender to a bowl, a fork, accept that curtains will part. Forgive winter for coming
too early, its tail in the air before you unearthed the blankets, sweaters, bedsocks—substitutes for a body beside a body. When you lie back
listen for the brag of the tape, his static-filled cough, the rustle of his yellow shirts, boxed and suitcased like last year's daffodils.
HA LONG BAY
Sun has burned a hole in the grey veil of sky. Half-disguised by trees the mountain glowers, remembers everything.
We slip through the valley in a green canoe rowed by a young man— striped shirt, wet brow. Arms that must move against the tides.
Mangroves lean in on our progress, knotted to the rockface with swollen roots—
their rings, I think as many as our fingerprints. A black kite springs alive from the mist, its call in my throat.
Below, sea snakes ropes of liquorice. Sandy cuttlefish dodging discovery. A slight turn, a flash of green water—
a village floating on plank-and-barrel rafts. Faces look out from tin doorways. Children wave from wicker coracles like upturned shields.
At 5 a.m., when the sky is still purple, we chug to the market— wooden boats and buckets of fruit. When a woman rows by the exchange is made quickly. We eat lychees in the half-light.
In bad weather all are evacuated. It is hard to live in battle with typhoons, monsoons, although—as my grandmother says— this is the land taking a breath.
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