by R. Zamora Linmark

-Wake up! We're being attacked!
-Martin! Lucy! RD! Get up!
-Ma, turn off the lights.
-There's shooting.
-Stop Facebooking, Ma.
-Your Tita texted me.
-What time is it?
-Four-thirty. 
-Oh, my god, Ma.
-It's probably a coup.
-Go back to sleep.
-What? Where?
-Seriously, RD?
-The casino right across from the airport.
-What?
-Stop egging her on, you stupid.
-Who cares? We're not in Manila.
-How can you say that? We almost stayed in that hotel. 
-Seriously, Ma?
-Manila is six hours away.
-Ten. With traffic.
-We could've been blown into a million pieces.
-What?
-Your Tita watched it on the news.
-News here is fake.
-No; she saw it on CNN.
-Martin, check the Internet.
-There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel, remember?
-3G?
-Only got one bar.
-That's what we get for not listening to the president.
-This is what we get for listening to you.
-We could've been in Palawan right now.
-You know, this wouldn't be happening right now if there was Martial Law.
-Seriously, Ma?
-During Marcos time, everything was clean and orderly and crime-free.
-There was a curfew and killings. 
-No killings.
-You just didn't hear about them.
-RD, turn on the TV.
-Nothing. 
-Nothing?  
-Fuck.
-Only one station's working. GMA. 
-What about ABS-CBN? 
-That's worse than Fox.
-At least the reporters are better looking. 
-And fit. They actually count their calorie intake.
-But dumb. 
-The ones in GMA look like sock puppets.
-What kind of a resort is this?
-It's a retreat.
-Ghost town more like it.
-Marcos would never have allowed this.
-Ma, get off 1972. The man's already dead.
-But not properly buried.
-Filipinos never learnt. 
-That's why they go abroad.
-Hey, it's me … Yeah, choppy … Much better …? We're OK.
-No, we're not.
-We heard. From my alarmist of a Tita in Daly City. Is it true?
-Some resort in Pangasinan.
-Retreat. We're in a retreat. 
-That's Lucy with her OCD on red alert. 
-Retreat, retreat.
-I heard, I heard. 
-We're better off with Martial Law.
-Ma, it's called Federalism now, not Martial Law.
-No wonder there's no order.
-My mom. She wants to relive "Apocalypse Now." 
-Who says I'm freaking out? 
-Nobody, Ma.
-See? It's already happening.
-I'm not freaking out.
-You are now, Ma.
-How dare you talk to me like that?
-Sorry.
-Ten more minutes.
-Then?
-Five o'clock. 
-Unang Hirit.
-What's that?
-Morning news. Their version of Today and Good Morning America.
-Grindr? Are you serious? I could barely send out a text. 
-Who are you talking to, Martin?
-Allan. 
-Figures. He should be here suffering with the rest of us.
-RD did a guy on our first night. 
-A chub fifteen miles from here.
-Ingrate. All of you.
-The guy drove.
-Read the news feed.
-It's going too fast.
-Express news.
-"ISIS is claiming responsibility for the explosion."
-Surprise, surprise.
-Yes, we have cable. But only one station works.
-"No deaths."
-Then it's not ISIS.
-How you know?
-The building would've collapsed by now.
-Where's the explosion?
-Hello? The news came from Tita Ding from Daly City, remember?
-OMG, are those people taking Sselfies in the middle of a stampede?
-Classic. Portrait of Selfies in a stampede.
-They're Pinoys. They'll take Selfies even at their own execution.
-Is that the New Norm?
-The New Crisis.
-I think we should go to the Embassy.
-Lucy, don't.
-What?
-Don't say it.
-What?
-"Seriously."
-What?
-"Seriously." You're always saying "seriously." 
-No, I don't.
-Right, RD?
-That. And "rather."
-Ra-thaaaa.
-See?
-Fuck you two.
-ISIS is probably here by now!
-Ma, quit it with this ISIS shit! 
-ISIS could care less about this place. 
-You don't know that.
-It's not even on Google Maps.
-They'll find us. Those guys live in caves.
-Like we're really worth beheading. We're not white.
-They can take us as hostages. We're U.S. citizens.
-We're dark.
-We're not dark. We're moreno.
-German Moreno.
-Except RD. 
-I'm kayumanggi.
-And dual.
-Who's dual? 
-Nobody.
-I heard dual. 
-Shut up.
-Who's dual?
-Duwag, Ma.
-No, I know a coward from a dual.
-You're hearing things. 
-I'm losing my hearing, but I'm not full-blown deaf yet.
-Shhh. You guys.
-A gunman? 
-Oh, my god, is that the host?
-Acting alone?
-He looks like a sock puppet.
-Six-footer.
-Gotta be a foreigner.
-You hear that? Most likely a foreigner. ISIS!
-Entered the hotel from second floor parking lot.
-Where's security?
-Probably texting.
-Or taking a Selfie.
-What the hell's a baby armalite?
-A machine gun. Size of a toy.
-Where's the explosion?
-Imagine a giant marching into a blackjack table with a machine guy.
-Where's the security? 
-There. Being interviewed.
-Allan said the gunman stole black chips.
-So robbery is the motive.
-How does Allan know?
-He reads The Guardian online.
-They're underplaying it. Just so we don't panic. It's so British. To turn our crisis into a Merchant Ivory film.
-Sounds like a set up.
-First, explosion. Now, it's a lone gunman.
-With a baby armalite and tear gas.
-That's news here, Ma. It's not meant to be accurate.
-Where's security?
-Gambling?
-Don't laugh. This is no laughing matter. People are getting hurt.
-They're hurting each other. 
-We never should've left Martial Law. 
-Who's this guy now?
-A janitor.
-And?
-The robber left his backpack full of black chips in the restroom. 
-See? It's a set up.
-Set up? Anti-Martial Law people are always saying that. Set up, set up. Maybe they're the ones
who want Martial Law to happen, so they can finally say "A-ha, I told you so."
-And write their books so they can sell it to Star Cinema.
-But the president wants it. Since last year. It's not like he's hiding it.
-We should just go home.
-We never should've left.
-No. We should stay put. 
-And what? Get massacred.
-You heard the NBI director. A foreigner, probably a gambler who lost big time, went back to
the casino to rob it, had to take a quick dump, then ran out without his bag of black chips.
-Hope he remembered to wipe his ass.
-Where is the terrorist now?
-He's not a terrorist, Ma.
-He's still in the hotel. They suspect.
-Allan said the guy looks like one of those actor-model types from Australia. Or Brazil.
-He's white.
-Or mixed.
-Que horror!
-The spirit of Andrew Cunanan lives on.
-How does Allan know?
-Al Jazeera.
-Man, they're so quick. We should've just migrated to the Middle East.
-Well, they do own most of the oil in the world.
-You better stay away from that friend of yours, Martin. That Allan might be, you know …
-Seriously, Ma?
-Well, he sleeps with Arabs. That's just like sleeping with …
-Everyone.
- … the enemy.
-Why is there still smoke in the casino?
-That's because he set himself on fire. 
-What?
-Allan's reading the news feed.
-Which means?
-Maybe he's a Buddhist.
-That's not funny.
-Can I go back to bed?
-You can. 
-I'm getting up.
-Don't forget, meditation class is in an hour.
-Coffee?
-Thanks.
-Brewed?
-Three-in-one.
-Then never mind.